Weird, weird dining at Barcelona

Two weekends ago, AV and I were in Stamford, CT, for the first part of the weekend. On Friday night, we made our way to Barcelona, a new-ish tapas bar around town. We popped in without a reservation and were shown a table immediately. And that's when the fun began.

We were visited by one server and then another... and then another. Each one repeated questions the previous ones had already delivered. I was ravenously hungry, so when one asked whether another server had already "explained the menu" I lied and said absolutely, just so we could get to the ordering quicker. (By the way, in case you were wondering, the explanation likely would have gone something like this: "Our menu is divided into lots of little sections with lots of tiny overpriced dishes. We recommend ordering a bunch and sharing. In fact, we recommend starting with tapas and then ordering main courses and dessert. Plus drinks. We recommend spending a lot of money.") This waitress, now far from enamored with me, finally took our order and departed.

A runner brought us bread, and it must be said that the bread was quite good. It was warm and fresh and chewy and carbolicious. It came with olive oil, which AV pointed out was not as good a choice as butter for this type of bread, but my guess is it's more authentically Spanish. Or something.

Bread, the highlight

Then a runner wielding a pitcher of water came by, spied my empty water glass, and asked if I'd like more water. Uh, yes please. Later he came by and asked again if I wanted more water, and since we were paying the check, I said no, and he poured it anyway. Right.

AV and I both visited the bathroom (separately, of course) before our main courses arrived. The women's bathroom had only one stall but two sinks and a main door that didn't lock. So basically you walked into the bathroom, stood into the sink area, and listened to the poor person in the singular locked stall pee. And then awkwardly avoided each other's gaze as you shuffled into the stall when she emerged. Plus the toilet paper holder was only anchored on one side, so when you tried to rip some off, the whole roll went flying across the room. The whole experience was frustrating.

But that aside, we got our food, and it was pretty good. AV's scallops with farro succotash were perfectly cooked and flavorful, if a bit small.

Pretty

My mixed salad was standard with the praiseworthy addition of some flavorful olives. One of the tomato wedges tasted a little weird, and it was plated on dishes that said "Soho Kitchen and Bar." It's also worth noting that when I ordered a salad the waitress replied, "Did you see our lobster salad?" and was about to upsell me terribly when I cut her off. Yes. It's expensive. I'm a vegetarian. For shame, Barcelona, for shame.

Standard salad, yummy olives.

After our entrees were dispatched, we didn't want dessert; we wanted the check. So we asked for the check. When AV asked the first server who passed by, she replied, "Oh, please, finish your beer," patted AV's shoulder patronizingly, and left. Does that mean we won't get our check until AV finishes his beer? We weren't sure. So we asked the next server who approached, and eventually a check arrived. The runner poured some more requested-denied-unwanted water. I nearly sprinted out of there.

So, in short, Barcelona is a weird, weird place. I don't get it. It tries to be too cute for its own good; why not stick to the one-server-per-table rule that 99% of restaurants follow with good results, or why not anchor your toilet paper holder on both sides. I don't understand. The food is okay, I guess, but it's not worth the experience. Barcelona gets two Offset Spatulas and a huge, huge question mark.

Barcelona
222 Summer Street, Stamford
203-348-4800

Haloumi dreams at Taboon

Ever since I moved to the far western reaches of Hell's Kitchen, I've wanted to eat at Taboon, a Mediterranean restaurant on 10th Avenue. But for some reason, I've never made it-- until now. AV and I were looking for a hearty meal before a night out, and fortunately Taboon had last-minute availability... at an outdoor table, no less. So we skipped the few blocks to Taboon for some delicious, delicious food.

We walked through the very Greek-looking, airy dining room, past the searingly hot wood-burning oven, through the door to their sidewalk tables. It was a tremendously beautiful night, and we enjoyed watching the scenic traffic on 10th Ave as we made our decisions. After placing our order (which didn't make our waiter very happy... read on), our first course-- the bread-- arrived.

The bread at Taboon is something quite special. It's a long loaf of puffy flat-ish bread, brushed with olive oil and spotted with rosemary, delivered freshly baked and piping hot. The fragrance is almost intoxicating, and the combination of the airy, warm interior and the crackly, substantial bottom crust (from being baked on the wood-burning oven) was spectacular. We had ordered a side of tzaziki, a yogurt-based dip, which we slathered all over the bread. And then ate plain off our knives. And forks. And fingers. Um, it was good.

Best in a long time

Soon our entrees arrived. And by entrees I mean appetizers-- we had both ordered apps (and no booze, in anticipation of the drinking to come later that night), which was the cause of our waiter's visible displeasure. AV had selected the Sea Scallops, which came with "Kaffir lime butter infusion, crisp parmesan over canellini bean puree." It was visually pretty and also, according to AV, very tasty. I tried a small dip of the puree and it was indeed enjoyable.

Pale and lovely

My own selection was the haloumi salad. Let it be said right here and now that I love haloumi cheese. There's a good haloumi salad at Pera, which I've had a few times. But this dish satisfied my craving and then some. Small dices of delicious seared haloumi were scattered atop a dish of tomato, cucumber, fennel, onion, green pepper, kalamata olives, and oregano. There was a light lemony dressing lubricating the whole mixture. I gobbled up all the veggies and the cheese, and I used some of the cucumber rounds to scoop up the remaining tzaziki. Rarely has a salad left me that satisfied.

Oh, haloumi, how you haunt my dreams

Without question, the food at Taboon was top-notch. The service wasn't quite so refined; after we declined dessert, our server tried repeatedly to push add-ons (coffee? tea??). Sorry dude, I know we weren't doing much for your bottom line, but give us a break. Regardless, I would most certainly go back... I'll be dreaming of that haloumi for a long, long time. Taboon earns four Offset Spatulas with ease.

Taboon
773 Tenth Avenue, at 52nd Street
212-713-0271

Birthday scallops at Braeburn

On Friday evening, AV and I made our way to the West Village for a belated celebration of AV's birthday. For the occasion, since AV is a big fan of scallops, I had selected Braeburn, the home of a heavenly scallop dish described by Frank Bruni. The restaurant is on a quiet, tucked-away corner in the far west village. We found it with only a bit of difficulty and stepped gratefully out of the cold into the warm, rustic dining room.

We were led to our table-- a small two-top in the center of a narrow dining room. The table was part of a small group of tables set in in between the rows of tables up against either wall. As a result, I felt exposed on both sides, especially when waiters struggled to squeeze past us on their way to tables beyond. Not ideal, but it gave us a nice view of the action around us.

We got our menus, debated some decisions, and turned our focus to the Bread Wizard brandishing a tray of enticing biscuits. We were HUNGRY. We must have looked a little too longingly, because the very same Bread Wizard eventually sidled up to our table and offered us each a biscuit, explaining that he usually is supposed to wait until our orders are placed before offering us bread. We were grateful for the warm, flaky, slightly sweet biscuits, which sported an intriguing flavor (lemon?). The Bread Wizard returned shortly after to offer us another round, which we both accepted (in addition to more butter). Only when he returned for a third round did we reluctantly turn him away.

Lots of unidentified intriguing flavors. Needs more butter.

It's a good thing the biscuits were hearty, because it was a noticeably long wait before our appetizer course emerged. Without too much difficulty, I had convinced AV to order the scallops, which came seared with braised endive and walnut puree. The scallops were plump and beautiful, and AV raved over their flavor and texture. Well done.

Seared crosshatch

The entree course came more promptly than the apps had, which was appreciated. My choice had been the roasted beet salad, technically an appetizer, which came with braeburn apples, spicy walnuts, and goat cheese fondue. At least in theory. What actually arrived seemed to be a salad of roasted beets and frisee on top of a dollop of really goat-y whipped goat cheese. Only at the very end did I find one small piece of apple; I don't recall any walnuts at all. But nonetheless, the salad was tasty, if a bit small.

Ruby beats with a crown of frisee

Upon our waiter's recommendation, AV had chosen the corned beef of short rib, which came with celery root, grain mustard, cornichons, and rye croutons. AV panned this; he wasn't a huge fan of the corned beef texture. It was also quite small (despite the photo below), dwarfed by the enormous white dish. (Note: these dishes seemed to be very similar to the ones at Eleven Madison Park... I wonder if they use the same tableware purveyor?)

Beautiful corned beef

In addition to our entrees, we had chosen to share a side of brussels sprouts with shallots and fresh herbs. This, I think, was the best dish of the night for me-- it was a bit unconventional, because the chef had separated and sauteed all the brussels sprout leaves rather than leaving the little cabbage heads intact. There were little crunchy grains (wheatberries?) and shallot strands sprinkled throughout the flavorful, tender sprout leaves. It was tasty and delicious.

Mmmmmm sprouts!

We skipped dessert, as there was a Billy's Bakery banana cake waiting for AV at home (obvi), paid the bill, and headed out. Before we reached the door, a hostess handed us tiny mini-scones, each with the Braeburn brunch menu attached, for the road. A nice touch, although I'm not a huge scone fan so didn't try mine. I think Braeburn could be a four-Offset Spatula restaurant on a really great day: the food is definitely high quality and is sometimes quite creative and well executed. But the dining experience isn't quite up to the four-OS level, not only because of the awkward seating situation I mentioned before, but also because it's really, really loud in there-- the rustic wood floors and wood tables require a bit more acoustical padding to make conversation easy (or even possible, really). While our particular experience registers as three-OS, nonetheless a nice birthday dinner was had, scallops were delivered, and we were full and happy when we left.

Braeburn
117 Perry Street, at Greenwich
212-255-0696